What Was Left Out

When I named this blog I left out a very important "S" word..."Stupid" Yep! I have that side, too. To be quite honest, I have more sides to me that there is no way possible that I could put them al in a Blog Title or any other title, for that matter. Besides being downright stupid at times, as admitted I am silly, I am serious, I am simple as in simple-minded, and recently I have learned that I am also mean, sometimes mean-sprited, I often, if not always put my mouth in action before my brain gets in gear, or even wakes up for that matter.

I very recently did something so horrible that even I can't believe that I did it. I am sure that eeryone has heard that you hurt the person that you love the most and boy did I ever. I hurt one of the most gentle souls that has ever walked this earth and someone that I have more respect for than I can ever say. This is a person whom I love more than I love than my own life. But I have blown it so badly that I don't even deserve to be forgiven, don't have the nerve to ask for forgiveness, plus I am so ashamed of myself and even embarassed that it was even possible for me to be so hateful.

I know well that I can never be forgiven for the horrible thing I  have done. And one of the saddest parts of all of this is that I can't even say that I have learned a lesson. Because I KNEW the lesson even before I did it. But people, PLEASE learn from my mistake. Never, ever speak in anger. If someone hurts, upsets, or makes you down right livid, sleep on it and then STILL KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! No matter what it is, it will blow over. And had I just heeded my own advice I would not have lost one of the most important people in my life. And there is no way that I can fix it, either. Taking back words is about as easy as putting toothpaste back in the tube and this is something I will never forget. I cry everytime I think of what I have done. Of course I wrote a letter of apology, but honestly, how does a person apologize for completely changing the way that a person sees you? This dear person will never forget reading the words that I wrote in anger any more than I will ever forget hurting him as badly as I have. I said things that I am so ashamed of.  I did not think I was capeable of spewing such venum. It makes me think that something really bad is wrong with me. I don't know if it is the anger that I have held in for the last 15 years, or that life,  being as hard as it is and has been for e for so long made me snap. I just don't know what it is. But there is something really bad wrong with me. But maybe thats a whole other post.